FRIED DUMPLINGS

When did auto makers high and low decide that most people want to drive a car shaped like a fried dumpling? BMW 3 & 5 class? Dumplings. Civic, Accord? Dumplings. Focus, Taurus? Dumplings. Mercedes C, E and S class? Dumplings. It goes on and on. Camry? The dumpling king.

DUMPLING

CAMRY

It seems to me that auto makers on every continent are making cars that may be fuel efficient, may be fun drive and may be safe but all look alike. Why pay 60 Gs for a BMW dumpling when you can get the Hyundai knock off for 25? Most manufacturers have a show pony, Nissan has the Cube, (stop giggling it's at least different) Toyota has their cool Scion line and Ford has it's Mustang, but for the most part it's a yawning festival.

I'm not talking Maserati, Lotus or Ferrari, just cars you really see on the street. When I see a new Dodge Challenger or a Ford Mustang I feel like the American muscle car is still alive and well. When I see someone driving a Mazda RX-8 or a Volvo C30 or even a Mini I'm happy to see people choosing a speedy, speedy looking car with fun handling. The Scion XD and the Honda Element work for someone looking outside the minivan or SUV. Even the new Camaro is kind of cool.

Epic fail time. Some manufacturers TRY do something different and fail but deserve honorable mention- Chrysler's PT Cruiser, Nissan's Cube, the Dodge Charger and the Prius. Thanks for trying.

By the way, the Smart Car is the new punchbuggy. We say "Blue Smartpunch no punchbacks" I''m winning so far.

You know what kills me?

What kills me is that when disaster strikes I'm wildly inconvenienced and all I end up with is a basic essential. Not a shiny new toy.

This winter we received nine million cubic yards of snow on our roof. Trees fell and then we got hit with (I'm embarrassed to call it this) a major nor'easter. The result of which was a rainforest in our bedroom. Then it rained for weeks while the insurance companies scrambled the troops to get adjusters out. Now we wait for the check and the roofer to finally get out here.

I never wanted a water feature in my bedroom, a fireplace maybe, but not eight buckets being filled one noisy drip at a time. One night we were awoken by a shift in the dripping pattern that put our bed at the epicenter of the dripstorm.

So we've chopped the downed trees, emptied buckets, tarped and cleaned. For what? A new roof. Jesus Christ we had a fucking roof! Now we get to bask in the warm glow of a new, warrantied roof. Something I guess, but we did have a roof. When I suffer I feel like I deserve a reward. Totally crazy. But I do. Really.

I don't really want anything at the moment, maybe a new amplifier, maybe a drum kit? I was thinking about one of those cool Thule roof boxes for my Mini or a Japanese Maple for the lawn? I'm a little all over the place but you get the idea. Compensation? Maybe that's it, I feel like the insurance company owes me a vacation or a new patio set or even just some Flyers tickets for not being remotely prepared to provide the necessary aid I needed. I'm prepared to pay their premium every month, year after year and the one time we need them they have their backhand to the forehead like Scarlett O'Hara because they're so (insert southern accent) "very very overwhelmed with this catastrophe".

Think I just lost all of the Karma points from my last post.