Thursday, April 1, 2010

You know what kills me?

What kills me is that when disaster strikes I'm wildly inconvenienced and all I end up with is a basic essential. Not a shiny new toy.

This winter we received nine million cubic yards of snow on our roof. Trees fell and then we got hit with (I'm embarrassed to call it this) a major nor'easter. The result of which was a rainforest in our bedroom. Then it rained for weeks while the insurance companies scrambled the troops to get adjusters out. Now we wait for the check and the roofer to finally get out here.

I never wanted a water feature in my bedroom, a fireplace maybe, but not eight buckets being filled one noisy drip at a time. One night we were awoken by a shift in the dripping pattern that put our bed at the epicenter of the dripstorm.

So we've chopped the downed trees, emptied buckets, tarped and cleaned. For what? A new roof. Jesus Christ we had a fucking roof! Now we get to bask in the warm glow of a new, warrantied roof. Something I guess, but we did have a roof. When I suffer I feel like I deserve a reward. Totally crazy. But I do. Really.

I don't really want anything at the moment, maybe a new amplifier, maybe a drum kit? I was thinking about one of those cool Thule roof boxes for my Mini or a Japanese Maple for the lawn? I'm a little all over the place but you get the idea. Compensation? Maybe that's it, I feel like the insurance company owes me a vacation or a new patio set or even just some Flyers tickets for not being remotely prepared to provide the necessary aid I needed. I'm prepared to pay their premium every month, year after year and the one time we need them they have their backhand to the forehead like Scarlett O'Hara because they're so (insert southern accent) "very very overwhelmed with this catastrophe".

Think I just lost all of the Karma points from my last post.

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