Absent

In one day my Facebook account will be permanently removed.  I'm on the fence about reactivating it because I really haven't missed it.  There are some real upsides from not being on Facebook and I'm not sure going back would be worth it.

1. When I see people in real life I actually have shit to talk about.  When you try a new restaurant I won't know it until i talk to you and you tell me about it.  Did you try a great new beer?  I'll miss the picture of your glass of beer but you can tell me all about it and I'll be like "yeah, sounds tasty".  Those vacation photos?  Have me over for dinner and show me them.  I love dinner.

2. No pressure to congratulate people on their anniversaries, promotions, kid's wedding or graduation, it's not that I don't want to it's just that I feel shitty when I forget to.  Birthdays are kind of the same thing, I want to wish you a happy birthday, I really do,  I just don't want the stress of trying to do better than "Happy Birthday!!".

3. Memes, I don't see them anymore.  No more pictures of kittens that say "I iz evilz" and no more old timey clip art with funny expressions about how vodka and bacon fix everything.  The best thing is I'll never see another "Try to name an erogenous zone without the letter A, it's harder than you think"  It's nipple and penis.

4. I have more Halo time.

5. I love to argue, so when I see an inflammatory statement I'm going to chime in.  The problem is that you can NEVER change someone's opinion about abortion, gun control, the death penalty, NASA, the existence of god, gay marriage or any other hot button issue because we're so polarized we don't even want to try to reach common ground.  So my wheels have stopped spinning.

6.  There are less and less temptations to be a dick.  There's also now zero temptation to "check in" from my bathroom.

7. There's a chance that if I'm out somewhere I might accidentally run into you.  What a great fucking
surprise!  You're out, minding your own business and POW!  There's me! Neither of us saw it coming.

Maybe those don't sound like great reasons but I like them.  I really enjoy Facebook, I even understand that it's a free service and I'm ok with them selling my info to advertisers, Facebook gotta eat.  It's fun to see what people are up to and the silly, witty, fun interactions with friends are great.  I think at the end of the day I'm a little more chill when I don't feel the need to be funny, smart or politically correct.

ASSHOLE

So I hate people right now.  People make me want to say jerky things, make fun or just crack wise.  I've recently realized that although I would never take pride in it I'm kind of an asshole.  Usually I'm pretty funny and see the irony or just plain comedy in things and point it out in a way that makes people laugh, even at them selves.  It's kind of like a tic or OCD, I feel like I can't help it, when someone is exposed or vulnerable I strike.  Sometimes I go too far, especially when I'm out drinking and genuinely hurt someone or make them feel shitty about some part of themselves. 

I've recently left Facebook, too much temptation to be a dick, I look at people's cats, children or profile picture and want to make fun of them.  People don't like that.  So I'm gone for a while.  I genuinely want to be nicer, get my smart ass shit under control because honestly at this moment nobody would ever say "oh him?  he's a really nice guy".  I don't need accolades or sainthood, I'd just like to think that someone thinks I'm a good guy.

I'm a good parent, very supportive of my children, I do everything I can to build up their self esteem.  Why can't I treat the adults in my life with the same care, support and kindness.  Part of me thinks I should see a therapist, but what would I say?  I'm an ass and I'd like to stop?  I don't know if that would help at all.  I think I need to discipline myself to be more thoughtful of the impact of the stupid shit I say just to get a laugh.  I feel boring when I'm trying to be nice and I hate that.  

For now I'm just going to lie low and work on being nice, learn when to be quiet.  I think I'll still make fun of your dad jeans but probably not your weight.