Sunday, March 28, 2010

A Retraction

After a few depressing weeks of rain I'm starting to appreciate the "Mini Wave". If you combine the wave with a smile it really brightens your day, even for a minute. The standard wave at least is a little like a "Hi There".

Having cynically disparaged the mini wave in a previous blog I have to say something I rarely say. I was wrong. It's a little less about the car than it is about a chance to smile and wave at someone. Sometimes it's a pretty woman, I'm happily married, but it still really brightens a middle aged man's day.

There's still a little factioning between the Mini, Mini S and the Clubman but for the most part it's all good. Any excuse to smile and wave to someone has to be a good thing.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Big Heads

So if you're in a hurry and you're stuck behind a guy with a big head, you're fucked. As soon as you see him you should try to change lanes, make a detour, or just surrender to a slow ride. For some reason, and I have done my research, older men with large heads tend to drive in a self satisfied, belligerent, slow motion. They seem to take pride in making you miss a light or spend a brief purgatorial lifetime while they let everyone and their grandmother merge.

You want to make it exponentially worse? Put a fucking hat on that big head; it will inevitably have the name of a battleship on it that gives the driver a "greatest generation" right to ruin your commute. Fuck you, Spielberg and Hanks.

The car is always some big American piece of crap: Grand Marquee, Ford 500, Crown Vic, Chrysler 300 or whatever hoopty floats their boat. Want to just make it the worst thing ever? It's own ring in hell? Slap some handicapped plates on that big tan, white or grey rolling old folks home. When they turn, they turn two lanes wide, why the hell not, that's what it's there for. They never signal when making a right hand turn. NEVER.

The best part? They have no idea how they're eating your time. If you let them know? They'll make it worse. THEY HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. They don't care. They have all day, it's their dime. They're not all old, some are old men in training, they're even worse because they can't blame it on senility or lowered motor skills, they just suck. Not only am I fighting it, I'm ranting about it.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Back on the Scooter thing

Today was the first truly beautiful day in a long horrible winter, the motorcycle goons were out in force, all of them noisy, inconsiderate, poorly dressed and screaming "look at me!" while completely ignoring all traffic laws. Today reminded me of how much I want a scooter, a cool and quiet little scooter. Operating a two wheeled open air motor-vehicle is thrilling, the closeness to the road, the cliched wind in your face, the throttle as opposed to a gas pedal. It's all fun and a little dangerous.

Dangerous. That's me all over, a total desperado, that's why I want a light blue scooter. I may not even wear a helmet, that's how badass I am. I may hit 40 MPH while shouting "Ciao!" at people I don't care for.

I have no practical reason for wanting one; I just think it would be fun. I'll tell my wife that I can use it for those trips to the store when you only need a few things, I'll promise my daughter that she can ride on it, LIES all lies. I'll ride it around on sunny days while the kids are in school or at camp, for NO GOOD REASON and I'll do it alone. It'll be awesome. And I might take my wife on it if we're going out to dinner locally, that'd be fun but mostly it's about me.
Me getting coffee, me going somewhere sunny to read a book, me just tooling around. ME ME ME. Ciao bitches.