Thursday, March 11, 2010

Big Heads

So if you're in a hurry and you're stuck behind a guy with a big head, you're fucked. As soon as you see him you should try to change lanes, make a detour, or just surrender to a slow ride. For some reason, and I have done my research, older men with large heads tend to drive in a self satisfied, belligerent, slow motion. They seem to take pride in making you miss a light or spend a brief purgatorial lifetime while they let everyone and their grandmother merge.

You want to make it exponentially worse? Put a fucking hat on that big head; it will inevitably have the name of a battleship on it that gives the driver a "greatest generation" right to ruin your commute. Fuck you, Spielberg and Hanks.

The car is always some big American piece of crap: Grand Marquee, Ford 500, Crown Vic, Chrysler 300 or whatever hoopty floats their boat. Want to just make it the worst thing ever? It's own ring in hell? Slap some handicapped plates on that big tan, white or grey rolling old folks home. When they turn, they turn two lanes wide, why the hell not, that's what it's there for. They never signal when making a right hand turn. NEVER.

The best part? They have no idea how they're eating your time. If you let them know? They'll make it worse. THEY HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. They don't care. They have all day, it's their dime. They're not all old, some are old men in training, they're even worse because they can't blame it on senility or lowered motor skills, they just suck. Not only am I fighting it, I'm ranting about it.


  1. Big head with giant ears driving a Buick and you might as well turn around and go back home, have a sandwich and then try your trip a second's much easier on your psyche.

  2. Oona needs to slip some Valium into your Corn Flakes....

  3. Right Keith? Just give up.